I Do Mind.

This is probably another one of my short posts.

Just need to get this out of my system.

I got my period today – on the dot of my 28 day cycle.

Sometimes I bloody hate my period – it’s so bloody on TIME. When I get it, I just know I am not pregnant. People keep telling me maybe it isn’t my period but I think I know how to differentiate spotting and full blown AF now.

Does anyone else see their AF (aunt flow) as ‘Aunt Fuck’? Because I do. Getting my period sickens me and it has been sickening me for the past 6 years.

I had FIVE good eggs this month. FIVE. One at 23mm, two at 18-19mm and another two at 16-17mm. And I had a trigger shot. But none of it made it this month. Sickening.

IMG_8556

Fertility, male factor, PCOS, TTC , BFN – it’s so sickening.

I don’t mind trying every month. I don’t mind going on surgery, I don’t mind taking care of myself all alone after and being unable to walk straight for days. I don’t mind the bloating, I don’t mind the dry cervical mucus, I don’t mind the Clomid or the injections or the swallowing of pills every day. I don’t mind trying goat’s milk & kurma, I don’t mind taking some weird tasting drink or fruit. I don’t mind going to the acupuncturist, going for fertility massages, I don’t mind the painful lymphatic drainage massages. I don’t mind eliminating soy, I don’t mind reducing cold drinks. I don’t mind sleeping or walking around the house with socks on 24/7. I don’t mind keeping my tummy warm, I don’t mind not having some kinds of food or drinks. I don’t mind. I don’t MIND.

What I do mind is being the only one really wanting and really trying and making sacrifices.

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2 comments

  1. Dont give up dear.. God knows when the best for you to have it.. U still young.. 1 day insyaAllah.. for now, be positive, take care of yourself, keep yourself happy, and trying.. its ok to feel down a bit.. we are just human.. i got a cousin.. married for 7 years.. with veryyyy irregular period cycle.. sometimes no period within 6 months.. sometimes a year.. sometimes heavy flow.. sometimes like a very tiny dot of blood.. till she gives up.. but during 3rd day of Raya, she just discovered shes pregnant, 3 months.. insyaAllah you will hv the chance too.. aminnn

    Like

  2. im on my journey too. doc clearly told us that my husband’s sperm is not that active because of his smoking habit… but still up until now, theres no sign hes going to reduce that… sigh…

    Like

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